´´A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that´s when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty´s dad fired back, ´You´ve got to be kidding me, son.´ The bartender replied, ´New policy. Everyone has to show their ID.´ Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II.´´ It´s a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he´s here to help us get our collective balls back. In Fifty Years We´ll All Be Chicks is Adam´s comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation´s bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints, Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel´s house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam´s spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.... 1. Language: English. Narrator: Adam Carolla. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/rand/002448/bk_rand_002448_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
When Stacey´s daddy wants to take her shopping for some new clothes, she is scared to go out in her diaper and rubber pants. But when she says no, Daddy gets angry and has to spank her on the bottom. He makes her drink her milk, which makes her flood her diaper, and when he starts undressing her in the changing room, another man comes in to talk to Daddy about her. Stacey´s daddy takes off her diaper to show the stranger how naughty she was this morning and then makes her show him how she makes up for being a bad little girl. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Sierra Kline. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/acx0/038596/bk_acx0_038596_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
Audie Award Finalist, Fantasy, 2014 Another day, another apocalypse.... James Stark, aka Sandman Slim, has managed to get out of Hell, renounce his title as the new Lucifer, and settle back into life in L.A. But he also lost the Qomrama Om Ya, an all-powerful weapon from the banished older gods. Older gods who are returning and searching for their lost power. The hunt leads Stark to an abandoned shopping mall - a global shopping paradise infested with Lurkers and wretched bottom-feeding Sub Rosa families, squatters who have formed tight tribes to guard their tiny patches of retail wasteland. Somewhere in this kill zone is a dead man with the answers Stark needs. All Stark has to do is find the dead man, recover the artifact, and outwit and outrun the angry old gods - and natural-born killers - on his tail. But not even Sandman Slim is infallible, and any mistakes will cost him dearly. 1. Language: English. Narrator: MacLeod Andrews. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/harp/003547/bk_harp_003547_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
Is there a shopping cart where you were about to park and so now, you have to get out of your car to move it or look for another spot? Is your neighbor driving you nuts again? Did your leisurely drive end up aggravating you because it seems no one knows how to drive? Can´t get out of the elevator because everyone is rushing in? The reality is the world has changed. We are more self-absorbed than ever, and technology has caused us to pay less attention to our surroundings, if not each other. It seems you cannot go one day without dealing with an asshole who can´t seem to follow society´s simple rules on proper etiquette. But, instead of getting angry and increasing your blood pressure, why not laugh about it? Do you have a family member that speaks loud enough into their cell phone that everyone can hear them? Is your friend one of those people who causes you to ask yourself WTF every time they post on social media? Are you one of those people who picks up the phone as you are paying the cashier to let your friend know you are paying the cashier? Then make fun of your family, friends, and more importantly, yourself! Laughter is the best medicine unless, of course, your friends are laughing at what you do. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Randal Schaffer. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/acx0/050674/bk_acx0_050674_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
Liss MacCrimmon´s meddlesome mother is back in Moosetookalook, Maine, to serve a hefty portion of trouble in time for Thanksgiving. But when a scandalous murder case threatens to leave Liss alone at the table, family drama takes on a terrifying new meaning . . . While Liss preps the Scottish Emporium for November´s inevitable shopping rush, other local businesses aren´t half as lucky. Year after year, her father-in-law´s rustic hotel can barely turn a profit during the stretch between autumn´s peak and ski season. Except this time, Mr. Ruskin realizes that the recipe for success lies in enticing an untapped niche clientele-childless couples desperate for a holiday away from family . . . The unusual marketing tactic has everyone in Moosetookalook talking. Unfortunately, it also inspires a scathing social media campaign aimed at persuading tourists to boycott the hotel for affronting family values. Liss dismisses the bad publicity as being totally ´´overkilt´´-until angry mobs fill the streets, the troublemaker who started it all turns up dead, and her loved ones are suspected of murder . . . With so much at stake, Liss can´t possibly follow police orders to stay out of the investigation. There´s just one wee problem: saving her own clan could mean sending a friend or two behind bars. Now-partly helped, partly hindered by her difficult mother-Liss must digest a slew of unsettling clues and catch the real killer . . . or else everything she´s ever been thankful for may vanish before her eyes.